Decription outline~
Main idea: When? this summer vaction. Where? in my part-time job place.
who? my co-worker Gin.
Body: She is 27 years old.
she is so beautiful
she is a big spender.
She comes from 屏東.
There are 5 people in her family, her parents, her sister, and her brother.
She is looking for a better job.
She is a smart girl.
she looks kind.
she has to pay a lot of credit card money.
she has a lot of boy friends,so she is always busy.
She took a lot of jobs before.
For her future, she wants to look for her Mr. Right who is rich.
She'd like to go to the internet caf'e in her free time.
she takes care of me so much.
She quits her job already.
I missed her a lot.
My reaction:
I learned how to take care of people form her.
I learned how to treat people.
Conclusion: I missed her a lot. .
I hope I can go back to see her recently.
I hope we stay in touch in the future.
posted by Paul at 9:26 AM
6 Comments:
You should write more in the Body section such as Gin's family, her future goal, opinions, and so on.
7:07 AM
"She is looking for steady work." Yuo need to add the determiner before "steay."
8:56 AM
It looks you have some reactions to her, but I think you can add something in your body part such as her opinion in her life.
9:00 AM
your boday part is weak. you need to give more example, for example you said she always busy you need to explain why she is busy. your conclusion also have the same problems.
9:03 AM
You body section can increase more content about her such as her ambitions in her future. That will be more plentiful!!
9:20 AM
OK. You can go ahead to write your essay. Good luck.
7:58 PM
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